This is a bit of a self-indulgent blog to document and reflect on the past year and how my practice has shifted from predominantly working with other artists on their work which I love doing, to spending much more time on my own projects. Certainly a positive from the pandemic for me is this kind of sabbatical I had forced upon me to focus on myself and being an artist in my own right and I’m very thankful to have been able to sustain this.

With my freelance work vanishing overnight, I was determined to make the most of this time and be a full-time artist! I was lucky to receive a few small commissions during this time too, focusing on me and my work, such as the zine I made for Shout Queer Arts Festival and a number of interviews, which have been part of this shift. I also realised that to pursue my personal work as ambitiously as I want to I should apply for funding.

For the past 12 years or so since I took up photography professionally, I never stopped working; juggling freelance jobs, supporting other artists and teaching photography while squeezing in my own projects. That was fine for a time, necessary, but important work needs nurturing and that’s what I’ve spent the last year doing with my project ‘People Like Us’ which I’ve been slowly working on for almost 3 years. With photo-shoots off limits for a while I’ve been able to reflect and evaluate what we’ve created so far in order to enter a new stage of development.

Arts Council England (ACE) We never got told at art school that a big part of being an artist is applying for funding, or if we were I wasn’t listening! I had never even recognized that me or my work is worthy of funding, I hadn’t really thought about it and I don’t know why really because I work for funded artists all the time – it’s how they pay me!

So, I finally learnt how to write a funding application and submitted my first ever Arts Council Project Application. It took me 3 months, literally, it became part of my daily routine between January and March this year, kickstarted with 10 days of isolation due to testing positive for Covid, when I read, re-read and re-read over and over all the guidelines!

The process of applying was actually quite cathartic (except for all the figures), I learnt so, so much and despite all it consumed of me, I had no expectation of getting it first time round, and was fully prepared to resubmit using the tools I had gained.

HOWEVER – I ONLY BLOODY DID IT DIDN’T I AND HAVE BEEN OFFERED A PROJECT GRANT TO DEVELOP PEOPLE LIKE US!!!

I found out while I was in the middle of writing this blog and now feel validated in my shifting practice! Huge thanks to Raze Collective, Justin Hunt, Jen Smethurst, Carolyn Mendelsohn and Casey Orr who all gave me feedback and advice along the way, I really appreciate your time, honesty and faith in me and the project!

Another brilliant thing about the application process was reconnecting with other artists, looking to them for support and partnerships which help make the project bigger – more public facing and exciting. Everyone was super responsive acknowledging that “it would be good for them”, as well as for me and it was really fun to call people up while we were all ‘staying home saving lives’!

The Photobook Club (TPC) Another thing I invested my time in during lockdown was becoming part of a photography community, a group bound together by an interest in publishing photobooks, which has a very prestigious membership. I’ve wanted to connect with photographers at a professional level for some time but never been able to find my people within this particular culture which is generally quite straight, I usually find them boring or intimidating or both. This group however has changed my outlook and been another factor in my recent growth. We were meeting on zoom up to 3 times a week during the height of lockdown when we had no work, presenting our projects to each other and sharing feedback and critique. It’s been the most generous forum I’ve ever been a part of for this, and when a photography godfather such as Daniel Meadows tells you, “there’s a buzz and an electricity that comes out in the images and an intimacy I’ve not experienced in this kind of story telling”, it’s pretty blooming affirming! I also met Carolyn and Casey here who immediately got me and my work and are now going to be my steering group for the project.

Format Photography Festival Portfolio Reviews I also finally plucked up the confidence to get some portfolio reviews, I was badly bruised a number of years ago at Photo Meet by a couple of terribly suited reviewers who just didn’t get me or my work at all and I was put off putting myself up for critique in this way, writing off the photography community as too straight for me.

This time I went through the reviewers on offer and made a list of people who I thought might get me, the fact that there were a couple of queers doing it certainly cinched it for me. As the weekend loomed closer I was dreading it and fully prepared for the worst, all I could see in my work was fault, I was being very hard on myself, I love my work and am very proud of it but I had to be fully armoured for this or so I thought.

How wrong was I! It was such a brilliant and affirming experience, with Format laying on a really lovely interactive event, online but with plenty of participation and chat in a non-cringey way in-between the 20 minute reviews. It was the first thing I’ve done online that really made me want to be there in a live setting meeting new people. I was treated as an equal, with respect, a professional and why shouldn’t I be – oh hello Imposter Syndrome - it really is a thing isn’t it, like I know I’m good and well respected etc in queer communities but when I dipped my toes into the photography world, I would lose all my self-esteem and confidence but not anymore!

The reviewers all recognised the trust the participants have in me, and said things like this: “It’s an ecstatic rainbow.” “There’s a tension between the careful treatment of the participants and a teasing invitation to be intimate.” “Enter the Taylor Wessing Prize - these portraits deserve to be seen.” Also Mitchell Moreno, a photographer I admire who had an exhibition on at Format Festival sent me a direct message in the chat room asking if I’d met anyone who “gets me”!! and went on to say how much they love my work and the David Hoyle book!! Oh wow, being recognised by another queer photographer, someone who is established in the art world was again affirming!! (my favourite word lately!)

So all in all it was a really positive and fun experience, which has helped me feel more confident in my photography in the context of art and photography communities.

This early portrait of Krishna Istha for People Like Us was particularly popular amongst the reviewers.

You Otta Know With little opportunity to get his cute little butt out on stage lately, my dear friend Harry Clayton-Wright has published a series of zines.

I provided an image of Krishna Istha for their piece in the first issue and then was honoured to be invited to do my own feature for the third issue, putting together some key moments and projects in my becoming as an artist and a queer person. This was such fun and prompted a number of ‘coffee mornings’ on zoom where Harry and I got together for a catch up, talking about art, the weather and our pets!

My piece looks at the beginnings of my fascination with gay men and queer culture, taking my inspiration from Kenny Everett’s ‘Cupid Stunt’ at an early age in the 1980s, I realised I was doing drag “in the best possible taste” before I knew anything!!

It was Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s ‘Relax’ that got me a rare moment of attention from the boys at our school disco when they picked me up in my plastic chair and paraded me around the school hall, to humiliate me but secretly I was loving it, thus began a dedication to gay men and being their play thing of ridicule… it goes on to share some of my key projects such as DARKROOM which was based on gay culture and photography… Read the whole thing here.

Queers and Co. Podcast “Does this look queer enough”

I did my first podcast, this was something I’d been interested in doing for a while so I jumped at the chance when I was invited by Gem Kennedy to be on theirs.

However when it came to it, I wasn’t sure I’d be interesting enough without my visuals, just my dulcit tones and as soon as we’d recorded it, I forgot everything I’d said and was so anxious about it coming out, worried at how cringey I sounded, you can sense my worry towards the end of the podcast as well but it turned out fine – another lesson in self-esteem and having confidence in myself!!

What an intro - It starts with the host, Gem introducing me as the “legendry Holly Revell”, saying they were “a little bit star struck” when I agreed to do this!!

We talked about: How my work and identity as a queer person have grown together, I always had a camera and used it like a diary, recording the events and people I couldn’t believe had become my life. I would force myself to go out on my own to meet the ‘cool dudes’ I wanted to know and become part of a scene. In the 1990s it was being a groupie to the local bands, then fag-hag to the gays in the 2000s who I first felt SEEN by for myself, and eventually finding my true queer self on the queer performance scene in London where I’ve worked and played for well over a decade.

We discussed the wilderness post University, having plenty of ideas but no idea how to execute them, until I was given a platform to experiment with my DARKROOM installations at these sexy cabaret parties that were all the rage back in the 2000s and taking part in events like Act Art who featured 100 artists in a night with the likes of Jonny Woo and Scottee hosting, I was suddenly on the same bill as the performers I was obsessed with and it was a blast, soon I was working for and with them! Gem asked me what it was like photographing some of the most iconic artists on the scene, it’s all been very organic but when I think about who they are I think how did this happen and still have to pinch myself.

We talked about not fitting into art or photography worlds, having no recognition in these communities and the contrast to where I am in queer culture. I feel conflicted between staying underground where I’m happy and getting my work seen by more people.

We also talked about the zine which is “filled with incredible images of queer people and their words”, its aesthetics, the sparkle which came about from me wanting to make the project look queerer, hence the tag line of the podcast – a quote from me “Does this look queer enough”?! lol I see now I had no cause to think this but hey it was a good excuse to lavish the glitter!

Of course lockdown came up and the lack of opportunities to photograph on the scene, I said I had found that doing my tax return recently was a reminder of all the adventures I’d had over the year, here and there, the little gigs you forget as well as the bigger ones, something a pal Thom Shaw had mentioned online and then suddenly those blank months – quite surreal really but as this blog suggests I’ve managed to fill this quiet time very happily.

Redeye Photography Network - Instagram Takeover and Live Another first was this Instagram takeover for Redeye and a Friday Live video with Rebecca Burns who gave me so much love and affirmation, it was really encouraging to receive this invite from an official photography community and discover my work is being seen by more people than I thought.

We discussed collaboration, trust, intimacy and rapport in my work, how I built that up through finding my place and my people in London’s queer performance community, how I was a fan and a punter before I started photographing the performance icons I’m associated with now, and the interactive photographic stuff I was doing with audiences first.

Rebecca noted the celebration and diversity of people in my work, the human-beings in the queer community, how I’m making positive images which include the tensions of real life experience, anxieties and messiness of queer life. It was great to hear her say how “the intimacy and trust clearly comes through” in People Like Us, this means the world to me, that other people can see this by looking at the photographs.

I was asked how I feel about working with other artists and being the presenter of their stories, was there a pressure to get it right, this took us to care and consent, ethics and morals – not being a predator with my camera and the check ins I do after a shoot. We referenced a quote we both love from my book with David Hoyle; “Being photographed means that someone gives a shit”, which I think says it all.

Rebecca threw one of my questions from the takeover back at me – asking if I have a favourite person to make images with and what makes a good partnership? I told her Ginger Johnson who I collaborate with regularly is a constant source of inspiration and ridiculousness, we both enjoy making bonkers pictures.

I’d recently been enjoying working some more with Sabah Choudhury from People Like Us on a new socially distanced shoot, they always bring some extra campery to the concept; I think someone who constantly surprises you and brings that little extra of themselves is the perfect muse!

We also tackled the tricky situation of class and imposter syndrome, how I had felt less welcome in photographic communities, not feeling invited or knowing how to break in, unlike the queer communities which welcomed me with open arms from the start. I know it’s stupid but I just couldn’t help feeling like this, despite believing I’m actually a pretty decent and interesting photographer. However I think I am getting past this finally thanks to this past year of development and support from other artists and photographers.

We talked about my experience pre and post art school, being DETERMINED to do something in the arts since I was at junior school looking back and overcoming the hurdles, but it was a longer rockier journey than my middleclass counterparts and I didn’t realise that at the time. I just thought I was a fluke, getting to art school at age 26 with an A5 book of sketches I did when I was travelling in India! I remembered doing an intern at a trendy gallery soon after finishing my degree and constantly being told to shush and to not say this and that… I felt embarrassed and stupid in that environment and didn’t last long, I had no idea it was a class thing! It took me another decade to start to find my way post Uni, as previously mentioned through those early, raw queer cabaret nights where the punters and the artists were all on the floor together, this is how I met Scottee who, looking back, I realize was the first person to treat me like a professional in the arts, he had high expectations and I had to step it up, so I learnt how to be a photographer on the job chasing him around, documenting his brilliant shows and becoming part of a team.

“Finishing on a high”, I was asked what was my major achievement this past year which I answered by talking about this shift in my practice, finding time to put all my energy into my personal work, breaking into photography communities and finding they’re not as intimidating as I thought! I think this is a good place to end this rather long and introspective blog too!

Thanks so much for reading if you got this far and stay tuned for some more regular (shorter) posts documenting the development of People Like Us.

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