Lost Spaces Podcast: Looking Back Through This Queer Non-Binary Lens

Earlier this year I was invited to be interviewed for the wonderful ‘Lost Spaces’ podcast by K Anderson, about “lost queer venues and the memories that they left behind”.

Before you listen – if you are so inclined, I want to say I do still love gay men including my old friends! haha, and the podcast is full of laughs.

Lost Spaces Logo

My initial thoughts were to talk about how significant male centered gay bars were for me - a non-binary (afab) person who identified very proudly (and somewhat naively) as a fag-hag back then and how my experiences of going out on the gay male scene inspired my first notable project DARKROOM and how most of my work since then has taken place in queer venues and or taken people from them. However, our ‘rambling chat’ ended up being more about the hedonistic nature of my friendships with gay men and my evolving identity, littered with ‘tangential detours’.

It’s weird – I’ve had lots of emotions from doing this podcast and felt quite strange afterwards – it felt a bit raw and exposing – I’m used to talking about my work but not about myself, particularly the past, so some of my responses are a bit clumsy!

I was asked to choose a venue to ‘jump off from’, it really could have been any of the many we frequented but I settled on the Black Cap where we went regularly as it had the cabaret we loved so much as well as the dance floor and the adventures. Not that we spoke that much about the club in the end, although I have vivid memories of an onion covered dance floor following Titti La Camp, and hazy flashbacks of classic fag-hag behaviour - getting on stage with Dave Lynn, probably uninvited, which she embraced into her act anyway, I don’t think we got any further than the stairs and cloakroom in the podcast!

The first question from K was; “If I were to say the word fag-hag to you, what do you immediately think of? My initial response was “a cackling idiot” when thinking of myself which although true to some extent, I’m sad at how derogatory I was. It would have been interesting to dig into the ‘fag-hag’ identity and how I fully embraced gay male culture; I’ve been immersed in queer culture my whole adult life. My empathy and understanding for gay men and all LGBTQ+ people, the hundreds of books and gay histories I’ve read, the many times I stood on my soap box advocating gay rights, and not forgetting how much I fell in love with gay men, time and time again!

Gay men were the first people who really SAW ME, I could finally be myself, completely, as outrageous as I liked, which they encouraged, rather than push me down as others had previously. The ‘gays’ could handle me - I finally met people who celebrated me and were like me!

Me and ‘The Gays’ - Madrid Pride 2012

In the podcast I said, when I met queerer people I felt more equal to them, with more in common which is a bit of a contradiction to saying I felt like the cis-gendered gay men, however if you think about it – at the end I say how some of those gays were probably non-binary too and so we had more in common than I realised and maybe that’s why I felt like them!

Something I found interesting later on in the chat was when K reflected on similarities and differences with our experiences such as not fitting in at school; being different, and how he minimalised himself whereas I did the complete opposite! I’ve also become more aware of my privilege in terms of the ease in which I inhabited gay bars and clubs - listening to other people he’s interviewed – some gay men who suppressed their sexuality and identity for so long, full of gay shame and internalised homophobia due to growing up with Section 28 for example and a hostile society, being taught to hate themselves, they were scared or cautious going to a gay bar, whereas I had no fear going to these places. I think we all share the fact that these spaces allowed and encouraged us to be ourselves though!

If you want to listen - here’s a link to my episode! https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/looking-back-through-this-queer-non-binary-lens-with/id1484938210?i=1000660987021

People Like Us - The Photobook - Kickstarter Campaign

It’s 3 weeks since we launched our Kickstarter Campaign at The Common Press, to produce our upcoming photobook. The launch event was lovely, we shared more images from the project, adding to the installation we put up 18 months ago, set up a series of talking pictures in the children’s snug for people to listen to on headphones (more on these early experiments with audio soon) and I did a talk about the project, accompanied on the sofa by participants Sabah Choudrey and Jen Smethurst for an informal conversation and qu and a with the audience.

I tried to share this video of the installation on Instagram and they removed it within seconds accusing me of sexualised content and nudity! Not the first post to be removed which has made me feel horrible like I’m doing something bad and more to the point is a worrying indication of the current climate of hostility towards and censorship of gender non-conforming bodies.

This is another image which was removed from Instagram, it took them a week or so before deciding this was too explicit however.

To me this is a really playful pairing of images and in the book they will be placed on consecutive pages, folding over from one page to the next - push / pull, out / in, soft / hard. The first image was innocently made in-between shots when the participant, Azara was warming their hands in their pants, I’ve always seen it as playful and quite sweet. The second image shows Chiyo binding to flatten their chest, ok it is one of the harsher images in the book, which will be layered with various aspects of trans experience, but I think Instagram is reading it as bondage which it is not at all!!

Doing a Kickstarter Campaign has its ups and downs and to be honest after having such an easy ride with my first one for the David Hoyle book back in 2017 which reached it’s target in 2 weeks, I wasn’t prepared for how exposing I would find this one. However despite it being slow and not having a clue if we will reach our target, overall I am still finding it to be a positive and useful thing to do.

I chose to use Kickstarter to raise awareness of the project and find out if there’s actually an appetite for this photobook and therefore raise funds towards the costs of the design, printing and binding. The great thing about this platform is that it’s a pre-sale for the book and you can be creative with offering all sorts of other ‘rewards’ so backers will get something in return. I’m not asking people to donate to my personal practice, I’m hopefully offering them something they want!

3 different print rewards - part of the special edition of the photobook which will be signed by me and the participants with hand finished details and comes with a copy of our zine from 2020, a postcard and other bits.

Something I’m really enjoying about the campaign is seeing what participants are choosing to show when they post about it online and reading the lovely things they are saying about the project and about working with me - without their enthusiasm, investment and commitment we’d never have made it this far!

We’ve had such a lot of love online and beyond from supporters of the project and our community which is really affirming and encouraging - fingers crossed this translates into backers and we can make the book we dream of!

“There is a real buzz about this book. We need it!!” Kate O'Donnell – Trans Creative

“Dunno about you but I am enjoying the gender revolution. Trans guys everywhere. Bring. It. On. They are changing the world with this new wave of masculinity. Move over Jordan Peterson, these boys are showing what non-toxic masculinity can look like - stoicism, strength and selflessness meets sex, style and subversion. This incredible epoch in queer culture in the London village is being captured by court photographer Holly Revell. Do as I do, and pre-order a copy on the link below. They have 28 days left to on this Kickstarter. Be part of queer history and invest in da best.” Duckie

“Extremely talented superstar photographer Holly Revell has spent the last six years working with a wonderful group of trans, non-binary and gender non-conforming humans to help them document and make visible their identities, experiences and joy. They're now ready to publish their book, I've a number of Holly's previous works and take it from me, it's going to be beautiful!” James Cronin

“If you can, please do support Holly Revell with her kickstarter for People Like Us. So many amazing people, who I have had the privilege of working with through Trans Creative, are featured in the photobook, alongside those I admire from outside of my TC connection. Let’s get this book made!” Emma Ferrier

“Just putting out another call for those interested in positive news and portrayals of trans, non-binary and gender non-conforming people. We need these images! Please consider backing the incredible Holly Revell as she launches the kickstarter for her second book.” Catriona Fin

“Teach me how to be a Man. My Dad didn't have the time. My older brother Steve was busy with his own struggles. The boys on the estate and the blokes down the pub were scary, prone to violence and half of them are dead now. Teach me how to be a man, Trans Guy, re-invent these damaged goods and Teach me how to be a man.This post is an ADVERT for a new book. Give Holly Revell a few bob so they can publish their book, order it before it's published and support the pulse of this underground revolution. They are called Trans Guys. Some of them are called 'non binary people'. They are like punks or teds or mods or gays. They are a cultural movement, they are my mates and they are changing the world.” Simon Casson

Kickstarter have also been supportive and quickly selected us as a “Project We Love”, which is “their way of highlighting brilliant examples of creativity”.

"It's an honor to have this project on our platform that highlights these underrepresented communities, and for them to get this visibility is essential." Danny Baez - Kickstarter's Head of Arts

Back the book here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hollyrevell/people-like-us

THANKS so much! Holly / People Like Us

Rose Bruford College - Queer performance MA Workshop - Photographing Queer Identities and Performance

I had a great time delivering this workshop on photographing queer identities and performance to students on the first and only MA of its kind to focus on queer performance at Rose Bruford College back in September 2023.

“I was inspired to explore the question of who holds the power - photographer or subject? I wanted to capture the power-play dynamic, who is the Dom and who is the Sub.” Image concept Rowan Faulkner, photographed by Andie Curnow, co-directed by LC during the workshop.

Following a talk and discussion about my practice, the workshop focussed on the students’ ideas and identities, providing an opportunity to explore aspects of their work and selfhood through collaborative image making.

I asked them to bring in some props to help them create their pictures and they did not disappoint! The dialogue around the objects bought in was really interesting and insightful as we got to know each other some more.

I loved looking at the inspirational images and people the students presented and hearing about why they chose them:

“I chose Marlene Dietrich because of her unapologetic way of being: a fierce, queer, anti fascist icon.”

“I chose this image because it shows a complete unrecognisable Bimini. It’s quiet and soft, a contrast to how we normally see them.”

“I chose this photo of Taylor Mac because I love the grandness of it. There’s a maximalist joy about it that screams ridiculous and fun and exciting.”

“Divine - For some reason I just can't take my eyes off of the image. Raw sexual energy and hunger comes straight out of her eyes and straight into (what's left of) my soul; every time I glance at it I can feel my energy shift. Each morning one look reminds me I, too, am a bad bitch; I can do whatever the hell I want to!”

“I chose this image because it is so rare to see two queer AFAB Jewish bodies represented, and this image is so beautiful by its softness and love.”

“In front of paintings and a messy table, stands Tove, dressed in all black. The creator of Moomins – the most surreal, queer and dreamy creatures in the history of literature. The photo looks nothing like the Moominvalley.”

“I chose a still from the Rush music video by Troye Sivan. The photo has heat and lust, but the bodies' fluidity almost shifts this into being soft and wholesome. It's the portrayal of queer connection, and although it may only be a snapshot moment in time the story of what these two men are experiencing is limitless.”

“Storme DeLarverie was a self-appointed guardian of lesbians on her block where she paraded armed and ready for any 'ugliness'. I chose this picture because it depicts Storme at different times in her life, in alternative guises, which reminds me of the shape-shifting we tend to go through over time. I like that she looks strong, soft, and in full ownership of who she is.”

“I chose this image of Pauline Oliveros hiding in plain sight in the hedgerow as I like how it’s dappled camouflage brings a gentle sincerity to the absurd but accurate claim that  ‘Beethoven was a lesbian’!”

These images were produced by the students working collaboratively during the workshop, I was really impressed with how they embraced the session and threw themselves into it wholeheartedly just 4 days into a new course! It was as inspiring for me as it was for them, playful and lots of fun. I also heard that they found it “confronting but enjoyable”, “unforgettable”, “a reminder of photography beyond whats stored on a smartphone and its various uses”, “enjoyed the performance of it - making images in full view of people on campus”.

I’m always saying how much I love the capacity and power of photography to make things happen and how it can be a catalyst for fascinating conversations - this workshop was a wonderful example of this and I’m excited to see how the students develop their work and ideas during the course.

Students: Andie Curno, Charlie Williams, Frankie Howell, Heneliis Notton, Irene Pawin, Joey Winniatt-Lewis, Josie, LC, Lucy Heaton, Rowan Faulkner

Marisa Carnesky’s Showwomxn Sideshow Spectacular

For the iconic showwomen who paved the way for those of today, who suffered injustice across the ages, this spectacular changed the script and made Her-Story!

Directed by Marisa Carnesky, this epic production was a contemporary reimagining of the carnival like herstory of the original Bartholomew Fair, a large-scale promenade theatrical show starring a mighty cast of 33 immensely skilled, powerful women and non-binary performance artists, performing up to 7 one hour long shows, creating matriarchal utopias and paying homage to forgotten showwomxn through the ages.

Exploring the heritage of women entertainers in British circus and variety, the performance told the untold herstory of extraordinary working-class entertainment from feminist and activist perspectives, exploring the legacy of marginalised women entertainers and the lived experiences of exceptional diverse womxn performers today.

Elf Lyons - Lulu Adams, Fancy Chance - Hair Hanging, Suri Sumatra - Rangda, Laura London - Talma

“Periodically inhabited by the legendary spirits of Vesta Tilley and Annie Hindle, me and Moloko Jones merged with our drag ancestors and took up space with these kickass womxn”. Molly Beth Moroso

Smithfields is steeped in dark history, it was an ancient site of bloody public execu­tions where women were bought and sold alongside animals, hung and burned. It functions today as a meat market, which the production took over to recreate this centuries old sideshow extravaganza that was outlawed in the Victorian period for its debauchery.

Peformers evoked the ghosts of the greatest showwomen of the past with a ‘Showwomxn Business Séance’, channelling ancestors and stating their skills and requirements.

Sideshows galore! Featuring aerialists, illusionists, wrestlers, hair hanging, glass walkers, whip cracking, bed of nails, drag kings, contemporary clowns, reimagined fairground games and fortune telling making for a visionary and magical experience. 

The full cast included specialist circus sideshow stunt performers Livia Alour, Lucifire, Missy Mcabre, Lalla Morte and Lolo Brow, contemporary clowns Elf Lyons, Meg Hodgson and Ella The Great, burlesque cabaret star Mysti Vine, Bollywood cabaret performer Kaajel, performance artists Marisa Carnesky, Oozing Gloop, Jay Yule, Tallulah Haddon, Molly Beth Morossa, Haitch Plewis and Rhyannon Styles, circus artists contortionist Hannah Finn, hoola hoop performers Symone and Chi Chi Revolver, aerialists Fancy Chance, Katherine Arnold and Jackie Le, burlesque and magic artists Vicki Butterfly, Laura London and Suri Sumatra, wrestling star Claire Heafford, European Jazz musicians Cat and Wolf and nine amazing emerging performers from Marisa’s own BA course.

The show asked why and how women perform dangerous and taboo acts and explored the legacy of forgotten and marginalised British entertainers.

Kaaajel conjured up the harrowing story of the Hindu mythological goddess Draupadi - mixing worlds of British history, Hindu mythology, Bollywood & Cabaret.

Wrestling was performed in the context of its vaudevillian traveling circus sideshow history by Madame Guillotine (Claire Heafford), Alex Windsor & Clementine.

Oozing Gloop read people’s Tarot.

Fancy Chance closed the show (3 times!) with their legendary hair hanging from the grandiose architecture of the market in glorious style.

The show also featured specially commissioned fairground artworks by Brighton pier muralist Dave Pop costumes by London based cabaret costumiers The House of Flying Stitches and music by David Knight (Unicazurn, Lydia Lunch).

NANDO MESSIAS - ARCHIVE PROJECT

This year I’ve been working with long term collaborator Nando Messias helping them to document their performance archive, accumulated over two decades of creating work, much of which I have documented.

Nando wearing various garments from their ‘Narnian closet’, a trans archive of exquisite costumes and ephemera.

They are currently in the process of activating their archive, bringing these costumes, which have been living as ghosts in their wardrobe back to life through performance and documentation before eventually laying them to rest at the Museum of Transology, where trans history is archived by trans-identifying archivists and volunteers to make sure that our history is told by us rather than by others.

‘Ghost Dress’ - This image was inspired by the idea of their costumes living as ghosts in the back of the closet, waiting to be re-activated.

Artsadmin initially hosted Nando for a two-week residency, which enabled conversations about archival practices and how an artist could bring change to traditional ways of treating ephemera. During this time Nando set up their archive on the Artsadmin stage which is actually above the Artsadmin achive,. so Nando’s archive was standing on top of that of Artsadmin!

‘TransMission: Sissy TV is a project investigating trans archives, it seeks to address the gap in representation of trans and non-binary voices in institutional archives. Nando uses their archive as a framework to discuss larger issues such as transphobia, the pathologisation of trans bodies and identities, trans exclusion, social violence, and visibility. They travel the country with their archive in tow, performing inside their closet which they set up on stage. The audience is invited to enter and sit with Messias, to touch their costumes, to smell their perfume, to try on their shoes and to queer exclusionary notions of who has the right to speak up.’

Pink is dominant in the archive featuring items such as multiple knickers from ‘The Pink Supper’ which were worn layered one over another and many a pink dress from various performances.

“Dressing up is part of the trans experience, it is a political act – going out dressed up takes courage, however it is also very much an element of trans joy.”

Nando’s haptic approach goes against the received knowledge of how to archive and display collections. In essence, they argue that the archive should not be sterilised. It lives in the lipstick stains, in the sweat stains, in the blood marks. The archive is in the tear of a fabric that has been badly mended, it is in the broken heel of a shoe.

“So many things. What to do with them all? How to get inside? Where to find my forbidden desire?”

36 pairs of shoes, displayed as colours of the rainbow (no green yet), the violet shoes are Nando’s favourite pair as violet is their favourite colour

“What shall I do with the archive - Burn the archive - Eat the archive - Shit it out - Bury it and excavate it?”

A Spectacle of Herself - Laura Murphy

I love working with other artists, teasing out ideas and feelings for performance. I’ve recently been collaborating with Laura Murphy, a genre-defying queer performance maker from Bristol, who makes challenging, intimate and spectacular cross-disciplinary work; a fusion of theatre, live art, aerial choreography, dance and verbal explosions.

This shoot explored some of the themes in Laura’s new show, ‘A Spectacle of Herself’, in particular gender queerness, masking, neurodiversity, being seen, taking up space and Laura’s obsession with the 90’s Diet Coke advert!

Following on and zooming out from the occupation and commodification of the body explored in their debut show ‘Contra’, ‘A Spectacle of Herself’ is a vulnerable and deeply personal intervention into what it means to take up space, to spill out and be seen...

‘Exploring mental health, queerness and rage alongside self driving cars and the 21st Century Space Race, A Spectacle of Herself adventures through shape shifting identities and landscapes as we join Laura on a mission to serve herself up [in]appropriately - for your consumption.’

‘With layers of autobiography, lip sync, creative captioning, video and aerial performance in Laura’s critical and cheeky signature style, A Spectacle of Herself navigates between the personal and the political to create a moving, entertaining and politically committed ride.’

Directed by Ursula Martinez, with Laura’s critical and cheeky signature mix of autobiography, lip-sync, video and aerial rope, A Spectacle of Herself navigates the personal and political to seek out new worlds and ways to be seen. It debuts at The Edinburgh Fringe Festival this August 2023.

Contra productions is a collaboration between Laura and creative producer Nicole A’Court-Stuart, they make, tour & support the development of politically engaged, interdisciplinary and boundary pushing Circus work. Their practice is informed by their queer and neurodivergent leadership, as well as their shared passion for exploring the critical role virtuosic practices can have within live work…

SPRING IS QUEER

This was such a beautiful day and night of “queer community magic" by She-Her-They-Them, a community building social initiative for queer women, nonbinary, trans, intersex and gender nonconforming individuals which took place at Tracks; a great little hub, bar and kitchen in my local area Forest Gate.

The atmosphere was so welcoming, chilled and fun, from the lovely, helpful staff at Tracks to the mix of guests coming and going, not to mention all the gorgeous people taking part - it really felt like home.

My other passion along with photography is dogs and running with my spaniel Bowie around the surrounding fields and forest so it was really quite special for it all to come together here meeting people I recognised from dog walks and seeing pals I know from the queer community.

As well as photographing the event, I showed some photographs from People Like Us which was beautifully received; when a person from the community comes over and gasps “wow the representation” and feels so seen looking at the work, it’s the best feeling. It also made me smile when people recognised the work from seeing remnants of it still on show at the Glory. Sharing the work in person is really fulfilling and I too felt seen and appreciated.

By day there were stalls selling queer art, jewellery, plants, packers, cakes and sex toys along with workshops from poetry and politics to spanking and cake decorating… !

By night, sun turned to dusk and there was a plethora of performances to enjoy and a birthday celebration for one of the wonderful volunteers who had been working hard all day.

It was also really cool to have my hangings featuring trans, non-binary and gender-non-conforming identities smiling over the acts, some who spoke of themes that related so strongly to our images, felt really meaningful.

Artists and initiatives featured: Beaddiction, Copwatch, Sh! Womenstore, Emma McGordon, Kween Kream, Leftbiens, Casual Reign, Wild We Remain, You Grow Girl, Dom Holmes, Charlie George, S-Bars, St Patrick Star, Veronica Von Beaverhausen, Klaude, Dian Cathal, Bin Pankh Ki Pari

CLUB LEGENDS - THE ROYAL COURT THEATRE

This exhibition was commissioned by Travis Alabanza and the Royal Court Theatre as part of Travis’ new play ‘Sound of the Underground’. I photographed four of our club and nightlife legends & Rodent interviewed them to create this display of photographs and audio pieces. They feature David Hoyle, Mzz Kimberley, Nadine Noor and Simon Casson.

“You can only ever fit so many people on stage, but for me the show never starts only in the auditorium, it starts the moment an audience member comes through the door. I wanted to have as many different people from the club history and fabric of London involved as possible, from Rodent on sound, to Holly Revell who has photographed so much of London queer nightlife, and to David, Kim, Nadine and Simon, who have all made mine and so many of ours nights throughout the years.” Travis Alabanza

It was such an honour and extremely affirming to be invited by Travis to create these portraits and be part of their PHENOMENAL new show. I’ve followed and documented much of their work and seen them grow and evolve tremendously during this time. I remember when I first asked if I could do a shoot with them, outside the RVT late one night and they cooed “I’ve been waiting for you to ask Holly…!” It means so much to me to be included, remembered and recognised - Thank you Travis and long may the journey continue!

David Hoyle came to prominence in the 1990s as the Divine David, an anti-drag queen whose lacerating social commentary was offset by breathtaking instances of self-recrimination and even self-harm. Following a couple of outré late-night Channel 4 shows Hoyle killed the Divine David off during a spectacular show at the Streatham Ice Arena in 2000. He returned in 2005 and began performing live again, under his own name. This time round, the chances of serious injury in any given show seemed greatly reduced, but Hoyle's biting satire, bravura costumes, wicked comic timing and compelling charisma remained intact. Over the past 15 years he has performed award winning theatre shows, installations and cabarets. An artist of repute, he recently exhibited his paintings in a solo exhibition in Paris and currently has work in the exhibition ‘Shot Pint Riot’ in London at Studio 1.1.

"He is raw, sometimes a bit frightening, but also thrilling in his look-no-hands recklessness.” - The Guardian

Kim Tatum aka Mzz Kimberley paved the way for many of colour being the first show girl in Madam Jojos cabaret, the face and promoter of Heaven Night Club to opening, ‘The Maids’ at the Moscow Arts Theatre in Russia. Presenting for The British Black Theatre Awards. Gracing many covers of magazines in the 90s, walking for Red or Dead in London’s fashion week. Kim has travelled on tour throughout Europe with Cyndi Lauper as a backing dancer for the Girls Just Wanna Have Fun tour. Kim recently made the LGBT Power List and was recognised at the House Of Lords for the 1 out of 10 awards for the Naz Project. Kim is the director of LIFE, her very own production company highlighting trans art. Patron of Para Pride and AIDS Memorial UK. Next month Kim is the first woman of colour to lead a show at the Tower of London. Kim has said goodbye to clubs but will always have that connection. These days Kim works as an actress and Cabaret singer.

Nadine Noor is a creative producer, artist & cultural consultant whose work is rooted in Queer and Trans People of Colour within nightlife. They created the club night Pxssy Palace 8 years ago which has had global influence in fostering underground talent, setting a new standard to club care and was recently voted best club night in the UK by DJ Mag. Nadine’s award winning work in intentional spaces has allowed them work internationally publicly speaking & facilitating workshops for IMC & Art Basel, djing for artists such as Honey Dijon and curating events for Glastonbury, Boiler Room, Lovebox and The V&A, as well as working with brands like Diesel, & Vogue leading to Pxssy Palace’s inclusion in the Dazed 100 and Nadine being voted as one of the most influential Londoners by The Evening Standard.

Simon Casson co-founded Duckie with Amy Lame in 1995, which he is still the producer of along with Dicky Eton. Duckie are a group of veteran LGBTQ+ club runners that emerged out of the wasteland of South London’s Vauxhall over a quarter of a century ago. Renowned for its mix of progressive pub rock by DJs Readers Wifes, with arty, provocative short stage shows, it ran every Saturday night at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern for 27 years. Duckie has recently been reincarnated to an ‘Electric Tea Dance’, taking place every Saturday afternoon at the Eagle in Vauxhall. Other notable projects include The Posh Club, The Slaughterhouse Club, Snowflake, PC*DC and QTIBPOC Creatives.

Use the QR codes to listen to Rodent’s audio pieces of our legends talking about their experiences of working in nightlife and the contributions they’ve made to the industry.

RODENT is an interdisciplinary sound artist, performer and DJ, working across nightlife, cabaret and theatre. Their work combines spectacles of otherness and monstrous camp with scavenged language and evolving sonics into unsettling dreamscapes and high-octane tragedy. They have presented work at Fierce & SPILL festivals, and provided original compositions and sound design for IL WIDNA (dir. Joseph Wilson), Good Clean Fun (Ginger Johnson, The Pleasance, 2022), The Prince (Southwark Playhouse, 2022) and LETHE (Kings Head Theatre, 2022).

People Like Us - The Rock-a-Nore Shoot - Words by Serge Rizzler / Photos by Holly and Serge

I had such a joyous collaborative experience with Holly, from preparing for the date in the calendar, tide checking, setting a salty seadog scene, dressing, undressing and going for it! With trust in you in the moment of shooting, and in the discussed process of your edits and my review of consent.

I loved our venture to the Rock-a-Nore rocks undercliff, a local queer history nudist beach, we shared musings that perhaps Derek Jarman or Lee/Alexander McQueen and many a visiting queer boy may have clambered and posed in jocks on these same rocks.

I wanted you to show in this series how I bear, and bare my testosterone shot enhanced, scarred, marked and surgically transplanted trans flesh. My shipwrecked body, dashed on the rocks, homoerotic, disgraced, thrown overboard in the flotsam and jetsam. My tattoo ink another story. My trans battle-scars all of them, on show. I trusted you to intimately capture my life scar marks. In this marking of and celebration of me 22 years on T, at age 64. Not a wreck at all…

The experience was an ecstatic high! I found myself in an altered heightened euphoric state, laying my body weight on cold rocks, bare chested or bare arsed in the sun- enjoying your encouragement, and the recognition of our shared queerotic/homoerotic references. Happy that Holly absolutely got it- that I was inviting in a gaze - but a queer trans affirmative gaze.

PEOPLE LIKE US - SITE SPECIFIC INSTALLATION & EVENING OF REVELLRY - THE GLORY 08/2022

On August 2nd, People Like Us took over iconic queer venue The Glory for an evening of Revellry; creating a site specific installation of images and holding a cabaret featuring talented participants from the project to celebrate the work so far. The event was supported by the Arts Council England and marked the end of this funded part of the developmental period.

The installation featured over 40 participants looking out at viewers from the walls, the pillars, the bar, the toilets and even the ceiling, their faces and bodies everywhere cheekily peaking out from unexpected spaces or boldly gazing into your eyes. Credit to Chiron Stamp who collaborated with me on the ceiling hangings and helped to install it all - they are way handier with their toolkit than I am!

The Revellry was hosted by That Ray, who also came up with the name for the event - they are very very witty, clever and talented, they made me and the project feel extremely special and loved.

That Ray posing for me when they caught me “photographing my own show!”

The cabaret was astounding - ALL talent from the project:

Serge - Hot Pencil Press - Letter To My Little Queer Self, Krishna Istha - Trans TV writer, Comedian, Performance artist, Theatre maker - Comedy set, Chiron Stamp - Poetry scored by George Hannington, That Ray - Artist // Writer // Trans Fag - SELL OUT GET PAID, Sabah Choudrey - Hairy brown writer, speaker and proud trans youth worker - ‘Gold’ and in convo with Holly, Chuck SJ - Multidisciplinary Artist + Writer - Acoustic song, Prinx Silver - Trans icon, Spanish hunk, Drag King sensation - Handyman.

I really enjoyed being on stage with Sabah chatting about the project, sharing some of its history and context, how it all began with a conversation over spicy ginger beers on the Southbank with my pal Leo who was at the beginnings of their transition back in 2017, followed by lots more talking and most importantly listening to various pals who were coming out as non-binary and trans. Sabah asked me which shoots had the most impact on me? I replied, much as I love a post-surgery shoot when the person is so ready to be free and topless and joyful, discovering new ways to move and hold their body, I really love working with people early on in their journey of self discovery, making space for them to explore say with clothes and gestures and try things that they’ve not had the opportunity to yet or the confidence. I also quoted Xandice who I shot with recently; “you’re meeting people at this really important time in their lives”. I must have been aware of this but hadn’t thought of it this way so hearing it out loud from a participant was really cool. Sabah spoke about the impact of the various shoots we’ve done together and how they’ve been able to move into different types of masculinity, how seeing everyone else and how the project is evolving, having more conversations with me and other participants has allowed them to be a bit more camp and playful which is really special. Always the most interesting and affirming thing for me is getting insight about the project from the participants.

We also had a great playlist from DJ Xzan (Gal Pals), Film Screenings from Neelu Bhuman - Artist Filmmaker - 'More Love. Less Prepackaged Bullshit and Joey Hateley - The Gender Joker. Door hotties Nneka Cummins and Sabah Choudrey welcomed all our beautiful guests. Jen Smethurst looked after our merch and made everybody smile, Ymir took photos and gave us all some Daddy energy!

I am so proud of everything this project has achieved so far and this event was EPIC for me in many ways from its creation and production to what it stands for, centring this part of the LGBTQI+ community in such an iconic queer venue where this demographic are not usually so prominent. I’ve been extremely encouraged by the participants’ enthusiasm and commitment throughout, it’s really helped make the project more and more ambitious. Feedback has been really positive with people loving seeing these people on display loud and proud. The audience at our night of Revellry were beautiful and invested; I think its really important to share this kind of work with its own communities first then we’ll take the Tate or the Barbican - THANK YOU!

Next up I’m doing a talk on Wednesday 16th November at the Royal Photography Society in Bristol - live and online - it’s free: https://events.rps.org/en/4LrdQ66/the-photobook-club-at-the-rps-holly-revell-5a2N4L6ZtRG/overview

MX SHAY LOU PATTEN-WALKER

CW: suicide

I wrote this blog back in February when Shay’s passing was still raw, but saved it till now because we wanted the shoot to remain celebratory and euphoric as it was intended and made to be.

We decided to release some of the photographs as part of an exhibition at Shay’s ‘Love Centred Memorial Ceremony’ which took place on the 15th of March and was honestly the most beautiful thing. I was also honoured to have one of our portraits chosen by Shay’s closest friends to be the memorial photograph. In the words of Shay Squad “We showed up, we took care of each other, we connected as a community. We are love and warmth incarnate.”

Shay’s incredible memorial beautifully delivered by ‘love centred celebrant’ Joel Simpson

I’ve not changed any of what I wrote back in Feb and it’s a bit uncomfortable reading some of it back but also it’s really lovely how some of what I found with Shay was echoed and celebrated at the memorial; their light, their soul and how they lifted me up when I was there to lift them up!

SHAY (post written in February 2022, published in May 2022)

I didn’t know if I should post publicly about Shay but I don’t feel I can continue to write about and share People Like Us without acknowledging the devastating news of Shay’s suicide. I only met them in December 2021 when Cairo from the project introduced us, wanting to give Shay the photograph they never got to do when they graduated from University earlier in the year. We did a quick turnaround between speaking and shooting for the project as I felt there was a sense of urgency that the shoot needed to happen as soon as possible. This has been difficult to write and might be hard to look at if you knew Shay but I think it’s important that I put this out there for Shay and others like them and also to share what was a really positive experience for both of us.

Shay 2021 - The suit photos were Shay's favourite part of the shoot.

Looking at these photos of Shay makes me feel really sad and gutted. I expected to see much more of them this year and for them to be in many shoots to come, when I think about this day and look at their photos I can’t believe they have gone. The short time we had together was very meaningful and affirming to both of us, we really connected and lifted each other up, they were so positive and excited by the photos, full of compliments, their energy shining bright reflecting on me as they stood under the studio lights in all their glory. I know that in this moment Shay felt euphoric and seen and I’m glad we got to do this shoot and give them an authentic record of them-self for what it’s worth.

Shay 2021

The initial point of the shoot was for Shay to dress up in a suit and have their graduation photo taken because they didn’t go to their actual graduation in the summer due to feeling the pressure of wearing a dress and knowing they would be dead-named loudly and publicly (due to not having all the required documents ffs) and that being recorded; they couldn’t go as them-self.

It was actually the first time Shay had worn a suit and they bought this one especially for the shoot and don’t they look hot in it! They told me how they had never really worn masculine formal wear and always been “forced into a dress”.

“The shoot was really important to me because it was the first time I actually could see myself in a formal and professional way as well as coming into myself and progressing with my identity. It was my first time in a men's suit and I don't think I realised how important of a moment it would be for me.” Shay

We played with a few looks, they had a selection of different coloured plaid shirts ;) and loved the blue backdrop.

“I look fantastic and it's very affirming. I am truly grateful for working with you on this.” Shay

Shay in their infamous red Mx. beanie which they told me was a really good dysphoria killer.

In our last email Shay had asked for a quote from me, they told me how they were “really happy to be a part of the ‘Just Like Us’ gang :) and so glad Cairo introduced us.”

Here is some of what I sent back: “I found you to be really open and felt a connection between us during the shoot which was such a positive and fun session. I’m really glad I was able to document you in your chosen graduation outfit and give you a space to express yourself how you wanted to be seen. Thrilled with the photos – you’re a natural and we’ll defo work together again now you’re part of the gang!!”

It breaks my heart reading this back.

Shay you will always be part of the People Like Us community; “Just Like Us gang” and you will always be in my heart - rest in peace you beautiful soul.

I LOVE this photo, it was one of my favourites before and now it puts a lump in my throat but it’s how I will remember them, ready to fly.

PEOPLE LIKE US - DEVELOPMENT BLOG 1 - SPRING / SUMMER 2021

Since being awarded an Arts Council Project Grant to develop People Like Us last year, the project has more than doubled with new participants and its about time I showed off some more pictures!

I’ve been having a truly nourishing and joyful time talking to all sorts of brilliant people for the project. Some I approached who were on my radar and I’ve also had folk getting in touch with me asking to be involved which has been really great, seeing how the project is speaking to people and them wanting to join the gang makes me feel really good about what I’m doing here. Before this phase of development I was working with pals and people I knew from being out n about so it’s been a new experience working with folk I hadn’t met before. I needed to make sure there was still that level of intimacy and trust so I made sure to have a good chat with participants (usually on zoom) before setting up shoots and continuing the conversations building up to the moment we collaborated on making photographs.

Joey Hateley

Joey aka the ‘gender joker’ approached me last Spring after seeing the zine. They have been making work about their non-binary identity for as long as they remember; decades, so it’s very affirming that they wanted to be in this project and an accolade to have them. We created this image of them in the sky swinging from a tree to portray a feeling of both freedom and danger at the same time, relating to how Joey feels about their life lived as “a female man” and their experiences with the medical system and chest surgery.

The wardrobe photo is our tribute to Claude Cahun, a gender defier who was making images in the 1920s about their identity when there was no language; “Neuter is the only gender that suits me all of the time”.

Ymir also contacted me last Spring, after hearing me talk about the project on the podcast queers and co, saying hearing me talk made them feel more confident to get in touch and I’m so glad they did. Ymir doesn’t have many photos from the past due to internalized fat-phobia, which they have been working on with the help of groups like Anti Diet Riot Club and they really wanted this part of their life to be recorded. The shoot addressed a number of things from the pain and necessity of binding; “if I’m awake I’m binding”, to the decadence and conflict of enjoying their body, celebrating their belly and boobs.

“This image especially sums up my gender perfectly. Messy, full of clashing confusing colours and forever slipping out of my grip.”

Nneka approached me to be in our project because they wanted to document a period in their life where, whilst still exploring their non-binary gender identity, they were “looking for a way to exist in the body they have”. The shoot was a new experience for Nneka, it felt special and important, I love how photography can play a part in self-discovery.

I’ve worked with Ruby aka Justin Bond of Drag Syndrome a number of times and was always taken with that cheeky glint in her eye, I saw her and she saw me, and I knew I wanted her to be in the project so I was thrilled when she agreed. She loves to be seen as a “bad boy”, this is her favorite identity which she feels when she’s at her most confident. “I love it when people think I’m a guy, it makes me feel really good”. Ruby also told me how her mood dictates how she wants to express herself at different times, one day she’s a “punk with attitude”, the next she’s wearing a dress to socialize with friends. In the studio she was so fluid and creative - a total joy!

On taping and binding: “I like how it makes me feel like a man when I touch my chest” Ruby Bond

“My identity is changing and growing every day”. This shoot was the first time Mel had taken their top off on the beach, something that they’ve always dreamed of, but never quite had the confidence. “I loved it! I felt so comfy and safe and it was really special for me to come back to this place as an adult, to show myself how far I’ve grown as a person, and what a big kid I still am”. The power of photography to facilitate meaningful experiences and moments continues to excite and inspire me.

“Belly out, man pum pum out, rolls out, pecs out, scars out, sex out, cellulite out, thighs harmonising out, loving myself ALL THE FUCKIN WAY OUT!

I LOVE food and I LOVE sex and I LOVE being naked, I LOVE my juicy batty and my hairy bear belly, I LOVE the muscle I have built that is smothered in dough that is MY body.

I LOVE being trans.” 

I stole this extract from a brilliant post Mika wrote to go with his photographs on Instagram, he said he found the shoot liberating and that he’d always fancied trying a nude but never done it before so I’m thrilled this project gave him the opportunity to go for it. We shared chips and laughs, whilst also discussing serious issues around body and identity politics and how he is defining black masculinity for himself.

Mika Johnson

This is about half of the new participants I photographed last year. I will dedicate a new post to the others next month but here’s a sneak preview of what to expect and who they are!

This year I am particularly interested in finding some older people to join the gang - over 50 ideally so if that’s you or someone you know please do get in touch and or if you’re looking at this and feel unrepresented I’d love to hear from you too - hollyrev@hotmail.co.uk

And by the way, it might look like everyone strips off but that’s not always the case and certainly not a prerequisite! I’m just as interested in people exploring with clothes etc whatever the participant wants to do :)

PEOPLE LIKE US - SHOUT FESTIVAL WORKSHOP - NOVEMBER 2021

Following last years commission to make our zine, Shout Festival partnered with me for my Arts Council Project Grant application this year resulting in me running a workshop for people based in Birmingham and the West Midlands to come and make a collaborative portrait and as Sabah Choudrey who assisted me and is part of the project said, “ pose, perform, transform and talk about what it means to be people like us - assigned female at birth trans men/masc/non-binary/gender fluid beings.”

Krishna 2019 (promotional image for the workshop)

Despite meticulous planning, it was hard to know how the workshop would go and who would show up. Would the group gel and be confident enough to be photographed in front of each other, I started to wonder as I travelled in on the train the day before feeling somewhat anxious about what I had set up. It dawned on me that I wasn’t feeling as prepared as I thought I was and that maybe I was asking a lot for individuals to come and share intimately with a group of strangers, would they even turn up?!

Rai at the workshop with their non-binary die

However the workshop went brilliantly and did all the things I wanted it to and more, it really was very special and I’m proud to say we created this safe and comfortable space for such intimacy. Participants were so warm and generous with what they chose to share and there were many overlaps regarding experience intertwined with very individual stories and anecdotes. The participants’ feedback says it best so over to them:

“I feel like I’ve come home!”

"I've only met other trans and non-binary people in ones and twos, or at a big national event, so meeting a group at a city close by was great: it felt like home and was really very moving. It was a nurturing environment; both the group and the camera encouraged me to be me and to be comfortable with that." Alix

“The workshop was a small group, which was the perfect size, and it was great to hear the experiences of the other participants. We started off with introductions and then talked about the project and any ideas we'd brought with us that might be worth exploring. I was a little shy at first - I always am - but settled down quickly as Holly and Sabah were wonderful at creating a relaxed atmosphere. Having my photo taken as the only person in the camera's eye was a bit nerve-wracking at first but it was something I wanted to do and Holly was great at putting me at ease. I'm very self-conscious about a lot of different parts of myself and my body so Holly being so kind and genuine really helped. I found the whole thing really affirming and positive. I felt pleased that I'd managed to do it and it gave me a sense of reassurance that I can be who I really am and be accepted for it.” Rai

“Participating in the People Like Us workshop was an invaluable experience for me. You don’t always realise your need for a space and how intrinsically people can understand you until you are thrust in to a scenario with people who at first seem very different, but all share a deep understanding of your struggle, but also your joy. Although I felt my medical transition finished 4 years ago, I was never truly able to share it publicly with many people. This space gave me the security and the compassion to own my body, to be comfortable in it, and to show off and embrace all that makes me different, but what ultimately brings us all together. It was a safe space, where we were able to discuss, to play, and to respect each other. Holly was incredible at making you feel relaxed and unafraid of the camera, and also to experiment and try something new.” Jade

Documentation by Sabah Choudrey

"I signed up to do the workshop because it’s taken me a long time to feel okay about my body and I wanted to try and explore that and push my boundaries. There are still parts of my body that I’m not comfortable with and wish were different, but I’ve also reached a point where I feel kindness towards my body and want to try and accept it more. Exploring this with photography seemed a great idea! I also think it’s really important to document AFAB GNC/n/b/trans people more because having more visible role models would have helped me enormously when I was younger. The workshop was really good. It was quite overwhelming at times because it brought up a lot of issues, but it was such a positive experience and really meant a lot to share it with such a wonderful group of people." Jess

“I have very fond memories of the 'People Like Us' workshop and the kindness shown by the facilitators and attendees. It helped me to touch upon parts of my identity that I struggle to access but notice, more and more, that they are struggling to emerge and find a voice. The time flew by and I was touched by the honesty of the group members and their open sense of acceptance and gentle encouragement. I left feeling exhausted but grateful that I had experienced such a wonderful feeling of safety in central Birmingham.” Heather

“The workshop atmosphere was a great mix of open, fun, exciting, and relaxed. I really really enjoyed the chance to have conversations with people who are close to me on the gender spectrum and to explore how I want to present myself to the world. It felt like the beginning of something necessary.” Jan

“In recent times, when I first owned my non-binary identity, the first euphoric thrill I got was from a pair of men's jungle print pyjamas... Maybe I'll bring those :-)” Alix in an email before the workshop.

“This is my favourite because it seems to capture a sense of in-betweenness and movement that captures my feelings about identity.” Heather

“I came to the photoshoot really wanting to bring a piece of my nan with me. She was extravagant and feminine, wearing lots of gold and bright red lipstick, and I felt that channeling that both softened my masculinity, and also reinforced it. She battled with breast cancer several times, and although our experiences are very different, we had similar procedures, both in order to save our lives. She was a catalyst for a lot of passions I have in life. He bravery constantly inspires me.” Jade

Here are some of the reasons participants gave for signing up to the workshop which I found very affirming:

“It was an event that targeted a section of the community that I am a part of that doesn’t always get highlighted, and is often misrepresented in mainstream media, so I was eager to participate and help change to perception of who we are as people, and to spread awareness, and generally have a bit of fun and try something new.” Jade

“I thought it would be a good way to explore my self-image and try to reconnect my mind's eye image of myself with my physical self. I hoped it would be an affirming experience that would give me a bit of confidence in myself and my identity. I also hoped to meet others who may have similar experiences to mine, or who could at least empathise.” Rai

“I came because it was a rare opportunity to meet others with a common approach to gender, and at the same time express some pride in who I am." Alix

So much happened in such a short time, I am in awe of all the participants and what they bought to the workshop and I’m so proud of what me, Sabah and my camera facilitated here - photography is so much more than making pictures to me and has always been about what the presence of a camera can make happen, from the days of my DARKROOM installations to important community building projects like this. It was a lot to hold but so worth it and I learnt loads, this experience has definitely inspired me to do more workshops across the UK hopefully to offer space like this to others who might have less access to community.

Sabah Choudrey 2021

And last but by no means least, I must say a huge thanks to Sabah Choudrey my “glamouress assistant” and forever muse, who I could not have done this workshop without, I appreciate all the knowledge and experience they bought to the workshop and how they helped to keep me balanced!

PEOPLE LIKE US - LIVE PHOTOSHOOT AT DUCKIE GAY SHAME 09/2021

Our first big group shoot and we did it live to a transient audience at Duckie’s annual Pride party Gay Shame.

“Load Shooting by Holly Revell & the Boys” provided Narcissus and plenty of Crumpet to Duckie’s theme ‘Narcissus, Crumpet & Chippy’!

“Load Shooting by Holly Revell & the Boys” provided Narcissus and plenty of Crumpet to Duckie’s theme ‘Narcissus, Crumpet & Chippy’!

The project now has Arts Council funding and part of that is it becoming more public facing with wonderful partners such as Duckie offering us space to do stuff and share our work.

OE2B1690.jpg

The idea was to show off the participants and the project - take up and hold space for an all trans, trans-masc and gender non-conforming gang and make beautiful images. We created tableaux which were sexy, fun and inviting for other ‘People Like Us’ who fed back about how great it was to have an area at the event that was for them!

People Like Us is all about visibility and creating new positive representations of trans, non-binary and gender-nonconforming people, sexing it up and showing off the multiplicities of queer masculine gender expression from AFAB perspectives. We are also having a laugh with masculinity, sending it up and being playful with it!

All 12 participants had their moment to shine while others from the project hyped them up and encouraged the audience to cheer them on, we created quite a spectacle, it was epic.

Participants had a great night, many meeting each other IRL for the first time which was such a special aspect to the shoot! The quotes below mean so much to me and make it all the more worthwhile!

“It was so good to have a corner for trans masc and butch hotness all night, it was a super affirming atmosphere and an ongoing pleasure for my eyes.” Ray

“These are such validating photos! It was such a fab night, absolutely honoured to be a part of it” Tay

“Being able to be in spaces for just trans people is such a new experience and I am so grateful to be alive at the time I am and have people like you making the spaces.” Quinnely

“Never have I ever been surrounded by so many trans mascs, butches and babes!
This was my first time doing a live photoshoot. we took the stage, grabbed chains, leaned against tyres and leaned into each other. trans masculine, gender non-conforming and gender liberated people of all expressions and experiences coming together in a hot sweaty mess. we didn't notice the cold but we did notice you watching. Damn there is so much power in being seen. I often talk about visibility as a privilege because these kinds of conversations are really about safety. but I do forget what it's like when we are safe. thank you to Holly, all the models, the icons and the hotties for making me feel safe and letting me be seen.” Sabah

BTS - first one is of me taken by Aaron Wright, it captures exactly how I felt - overwhelmed but completely in the zone, and that’s Sam’s bum - one of a number of supportive pals who spent the night with us. The second picture is one of Cairo’s selfies capturing the pure joy of being together - I love that.

Participants: Anna, Azara, Becca, Cairo, Felix, Jen, Justin, Leo, Quinnely, Ray, Sabah, Tammy & Tay.

Also credit to Marty Langthorne who did the beautiful lighting and thanks to lovely Nat who helped us set up and did a spot of spontaneous crowd management for us!

PEOPLE LIKE US – LOOKING BACK – MOVING FORWARD

I’ve been working on this project for over 3 years now, it began with conversations in 2017 with a friend who was trialling a new name and then talking to other friends throughout 2018, who had trans, butch or non-binary identities and were assigned female at birth (AFAB), taking a few pictures along the way. 

In January 2019 I started making studio portraits with these friends, I was unsure of what we were going to do to be honest but very sure of what I didn’t want to do, I didn’t want to add to the dominant representation of trans people by making sombre portraits with a low mood. What I did know was that I wanted the participants to be themselves and to own their images, be in charge of the gaze, feel powerful and enjoy the process.

At some point during this initial phase of exploration and play we decided on a name for the project which Jen Smethurst came up with, as this was how they were explaining the project; ‘People Like Us’!

The project has been completely collaborative from the start with ideas coming from the conversations we’ve had and what the participants have wanted to share, they have continued to surprise me. There is a lot of trust and respect between us, which has enabled the level of intimacy and vulnerability you see in some of the photographs along with the strength and joy the participants behold. 

2020 saw a pause to shooting for the project - ce la vie! However I spent much of those sunny locked down days sitting outside writing about the project and reflecting on the work so far. With no freelance or gigs I was able to give the project my full attention and eventually applied for funding, which consumed the winter from December 2020 – March 2021. I was successful and have received an Arts Council Project Grant which means I can be more ambitious with it and we have a number of activities planned, happening over the next year or so collaborating with partners such as Duckie and The Glory. After this development period, the project will become a photo-book, an exhibition and an archive in 2023.

During those moments when we slipped out of complete lockdown in 2020 I moved from working in the studio to doing more location shoots, revisiting original participants to explore new ideas and have some fun. 

We also did a Virtual Exhibition in place of the Barbican Masculinities event we were booked to do before Covid in April 2020 and made a zine for Shout Festival in November 2020 which was a lovely way for us to collate and share some of our work so far and bring new people to it.

This year I’ve started to talk to new participants and it’s been such a privilege to listen to their stories - on zoom (where-else) and be creative together. We’ve recently started shooting which is really exciting and I’ll be introducing more participants as the project develops and I invite more people.

Here are some photos I made in the studio a few months ago with Ymir who approached me because they felt their body and identity was underrepresented which I totally hear and aim to counteract as best I can with People Like Us. More on Ymir soon! 

Doing a project like this, and having more time than usual on my hands perhaps, it’s inevitable that I look inwards and question my own gender identity which I’ve come to the conclusion must be Agender. I don’t feel any masculine attributes at all but when I think about it, I don’t really feel any female attributes either and being called a woman or lady makes me wince! If I were younger I’m pretty sure I would use gender-neutral pronouns (they/them), but as a 48 year old who hasn’t had any issues with her gender identity and whose gender expression matches her biological sex, I don’t feel comfortable taking those pronouns much as I love and covet them. I have however taken ‘queer’ for myself which completely fits my identity regardless of my gender or sexual orientation, for me queer is an ideology and a community to which I very much belong.

THE SHIFT

This is a bit of a self-indulgent blog to document and reflect on the past year and how my practice has shifted from predominantly working with other artists on their work which I love doing, to spending much more time on my own projects. Certainly a positive from the pandemic for me is this kind of sabbatical I had forced upon me to focus on myself and being an artist in my own right and I’m very thankful to have been able to sustain this. 

With my freelance work vanishing overnight, I was determined to make the most of this time and be a full-time artist! I was lucky to receive a few small commissions during this time too, focusing on me and my work, such as the zine I made for Shout Queer Arts Festival and a number of interviews, which have been part of this shift. I also realised that to pursue my personal work as ambitiously as I want to I should apply for funding.

For the past 12 years or so since I took up photography professionally, I never stopped working; juggling freelance jobs, supporting other artists and teaching photography while squeezing in my own projects. That was fine for a time, necessary, but important work needs nurturing and that’s what I’ve spent the last year doing with my project ‘People Like Us’ which I’ve been slowly working on for almost 3 years. With photo-shoots off limits for a while I’ve been able to reflect and evaluate what we’ve created so far in order to enter a new stage of development.

You Otta Know Feature

You Otta Know Feature

Arts Council England (ACE) We never got told at art school that a big part of being an artist is applying for funding, or if we were I wasn’t listening! I had never even recognized that me or my work is worthy of funding, I hadn’t really thought about it and I don’t know why really because I work for funded artists all the time – it’s how they pay me!  

So, I finally learnt how to write a funding application and submitted my first ever Arts Council Project Application. It took me 3 months, literally, it became part of my daily routine between January and March this year, kickstarted with 10 days of isolation due to testing positive for Covid, when I read, re-read and re-read over and over all the guidelines!

The process of applying was actually quite cathartic (except for all the figures), I learnt so, so much and despite all it consumed of me, I had no expectation of getting it first time round, and was fully prepared to resubmit using the tools I had gained. 

HOWEVER – I ONLY BLOODY DID IT DIDN’T I AND HAVE BEEN OFFERED A PROJECT GRANT TO DEVELOP PEOPLE LIKE US!!!

I found out while I was in the middle of writing this blog and now feel validated in my shifting practice! Huge thanks to Raze Collective, Justin Hunt, Jen Smethurst, Carolyn Mendelsohn and Casey Orr who all gave me feedback and advice along the way, I really appreciate your time, honesty and faith in me and the project! 

Another brilliant thing about the application process was reconnecting with other artists, looking to them for support and partnerships which help make the project bigger – more public facing and exciting. Everyone was super responsive acknowledging that “it would be good for them”, as well as for me and it was really fun to call people up while we were all ‘staying home saving lives’! 

The Photobook Club (TPC) Another thing I invested my time in during lockdown was becoming part of a photography community, a group bound together by an interest in publishing photobooks, which has a very prestigious membership. I’ve wanted to connect with photographers at a professional level for some time but never been able to find my people within this particular culture which is generally quite straight, I usually find them boring or intimidating or both. This group however has changed my outlook and been another factor in my recent growth. We were meeting on zoom up to 3 times a week during the height of lockdown when we had no work, presenting our projects to each other and sharing feedback and critique. It’s been the most generous forum I’ve ever been a part of for this, and when a photography godfather such as Daniel Meadows tells you, “there’s a buzz and an electricity that comes out in the images and an intimacy I’ve not experienced in this kind of story telling”, it’s pretty blooming affirming! I also met Carolyn and Casey here who immediately got me and my work and are now going to be my steering group for the project. 

TPC-image.jpg

Format Photography Festival Portfolio Reviews I also finally plucked up the confidence to get some portfolio reviews, I was badly bruised a number of years ago at Photo Meet by a couple of terribly suited reviewers who just didn’t get me or my work at all and I was put off putting myself up for critique in this way, writing off the photography community as too straight for me. 

This time I went through the reviewers on offer and made a list of people who I thought might get me, the fact that there were a couple of queers doing it certainly cinched it for me. As the weekend loomed closer I was dreading it and fully prepared for the worst, all I could see in my work was fault, I was being very hard on myself, I love my work and am very proud of it but I had to be fully armoured for this or so I thought. 

How wrong was I! It was such a brilliant and affirming experience, with Format laying on a really lovely interactive event, online but with plenty of participation and chat in a non-cringey way in-between the 20 minute reviews. It was the first thing I’ve done online that really made me want to be there in a live setting meeting new people. I was treated as an equal, with respect, a professional and why shouldn’t I be – oh hello Imposter Syndrome - it really is a thing isn’t it, like I know I’m good and well respected etc in queer communities but when I dipped my toes into the photography world, I would lose all my self-esteem and confidence but not anymore!

The reviewers all recognised the trust the participants have in me, and said things like this: “It’s an ecstatic rainbow.” “There’s a tension between the careful treatment of the participants and a teasing invitation to be intimate.” “Enter the Taylor Wessing Prize - these portraits deserve to be seen.” Also Mitchell Moreno, a photographer I admire who had an exhibition on at Format Festival sent me a direct message in the chat room asking if I’d met anyone who “gets me”!! and went on to say how much they love my work and the David Hoyle book!! Oh wow, being recognised by another queer photographer, someone who is established in the art world was again affirming!! (my favourite word lately!)

So all in all it was a really positive and fun experience, which has helped me feel more confident in my photography in the context of art and photography communities. 

This early portrait of Krishna Istha for People Like Us was particularly popular amongst the reviewers.

This early portrait of Krishna Istha for People Like Us was particularly popular amongst the reviewers.

You Otta Know With little opportunity to get his cute little butt out on stage lately, my dear friend Harry Clayton-Wright has published a series of zines.

I provided an image of Krishna Istha for their piece in the first issue and then was honoured to be invited to do my own feature for the third issue, putting together some key moments and projects in my becoming as an artist and a queer person. This was such fun and prompted a number of ‘coffee mornings’ on zoom where Harry and I got together for a catch up, talking about art, the weather and our pets! 

My piece looks at the beginnings of my fascination with gay men and queer culture, taking my inspiration from Kenny Everett’s ‘Cupid Stunt’ at an early age in the 1980s, I realised I was doing drag “in the best possible taste” before I knew anything!!

It was Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s ‘Relax’ that got me a rare moment of attention from the boys at our school disco when they picked me up in my plastic chair and paraded me around the school hall, to humiliate me but secretly I was loving it, thus began a dedication to gay men and being their play thing of ridicule… it goes on to share some of my key projects such as DARKROOM which was based on gay culture and photography… Read the whole thing here.

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Queers and Co. Podcast “Does this look queer enough” 

I did my first podcast, this was something I’d been interested in doing for a while so I jumped at the chance when I was invited by Gem Kennedy to be on theirs. 

However when it came to it, I wasn’t sure I’d be interesting enough without my visuals, just my dulcit tones and as soon as we’d recorded it, I forgot everything I’d said and was so anxious about it coming out, worried at how cringey I sounded, you can sense my worry towards the end of the podcast as well but it turned out fine – another lesson in self-esteem and having confidence in myself!! 

What an intro - It starts with the host, Gem introducing me as the “legendry Holly Revell”, saying they were “a little bit star struck” when I agreed to do this!! 

We talked about: How my work and identity as a queer person have grown together, I always had a camera and used it like a diary, recording the events and people I couldn’t believe had become my life. I would force myself to go out on my own to meet the ‘cool dudes’ I wanted to know and become part of a scene. In the 1990s it was being a groupie to the local bands, then fag-hag to the gays in the 2000s who I first felt SEEN by for myself, and eventually finding my true queer self on the queer performance scene in London where I’ve worked and played for well over a decade. 

We discussed the wilderness post University, having plenty of ideas but no idea how to execute them, until I was given a platform to experiment with my DARKROOM installations at these sexy cabaret parties that were all the rage back in the 2000s and taking part in events like Act Art who featured 100 artists in a night with the likes of Jonny Woo and Scottee hosting, I was suddenly on the same bill as the performers I was obsessed with and it was a blast, soon I was working for and with them! Gem asked me what it was like photographing some of the most iconic artists on the scene, it’s all been very organic but when I think about who they are I think how did this happen and still have to pinch myself. 

We talked about not fitting into art or photography worlds, having no recognition in these communities and the contrast to where I am in queer culture. I feel conflicted between staying underground where I’m happy and getting my work seen by more people. 

We also talked about the zine which is “filled with incredible images of queer people and their words”, its aesthetics, the sparkle which came about from me wanting to make the project look queerer, hence the tag line of the podcast – a quote from me “Does this look queer enough”?! lol I see now I had no cause to think this but hey it was a good excuse to lavish the glitter! 

Of course lockdown came up and the lack of opportunities to photograph on the scene, I said I had found that doing my tax return recently was a reminder of all the adventures I’d had over the year, here and there, the little gigs you forget as well as the bigger ones, something a pal Thom Shaw had mentioned online and then suddenly those blank months – quite surreal really but as this blog suggests I’ve managed to fill this quiet time very happily.

Redeye Photography Network - Instagram Takeover and Live Another first was this Instagram takeover for Redeye and a Friday Live video with Rebecca Burns who gave me so much love and affirmation, it was really encouraging to receive this invite from an official photography community and discover my work is being seen by more people than I thought. 

We discussed collaboration, trust, intimacy and rapport in my work, how I built that up through finding my place and my people in London’s queer performance community, how I was a fan and a punter before I started photographing the performance icons I’m associated with now, and the interactive photographic stuff I was doing with audiences first. 

Rebecca noted the celebration and diversity of people in my work, the human-beings in the queer community, how I’m making positive images which include the tensions of real life experience, anxieties and messiness of queer life. It was great to hear her say how “the intimacy and trust clearly comes through” in People Like Us, this means the world to me, that other people can see this by looking at the photographs. 

I was asked how I feel about working with other artists and being the presenter of their stories, was there a pressure to get it right, this took us to care and consent, ethics and morals – not being a predator with my camera and the check ins I do after a shoot. We referenced a quote we both love from my book with David Hoyle; “Being photographed means that someone gives a shit”, which I think says it all. 

Rebecca threw one of my questions from the takeover back at me – asking if I have a favourite person to make images with and what makes a good partnership? I told her Ginger Johnson who I collaborate with regularly is a constant source of inspiration and ridiculousness, we both enjoy making bonkers pictures. 

Ginger Johnson

Ginger Johnson

I’d recently been enjoying working some more with Sabah Choudhury from People Like Us on a new socially distanced shoot, they always bring some extra campery to the concept; I think someone who constantly surprises you and brings that little extra of themselves is the perfect muse!  

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We also tackled the tricky situation of class and imposter syndrome, how I had felt less welcome in photographic communities, not feeling invited or knowing how to break in, unlike the queer communities which welcomed me with open arms from the start. I know it’s stupid but I just couldn’t help feeling like this, despite believing I’m actually a pretty decent and interesting photographer. However I think I am getting past this finally thanks to this past year of development and support from other artists and photographers. 

We talked about my experience pre and post art school, being DETERMINED to do something in the arts since I was at junior school looking back and overcoming the hurdles, but it was a longer rockier journey than my middleclass counterparts and I didn’t realise that at the time. I just thought I was a fluke, getting to art school at age 26 with an A5 book of sketches I did when I was travelling in India! I remembered doing an intern at a trendy gallery soon after finishing my degree and constantly being told to shush and to not say this and that… I felt embarrassed and stupid in that environment and didn’t last long, I had no idea it was a class thing! It took me another decade to start to find my way post Uni, as previously mentioned through those early, raw queer cabaret nights where the punters and the artists were all on the floor together, this is how I met Scottee who, looking back, I realize was the first person to treat me like a professional in the arts, he had high expectations and I had to step it up, so I learnt how to be a photographer on the job chasing him around, documenting his brilliant shows and becoming part of a team. 

“Finishing on a high”, I was asked what was my major achievement this past year which I answered by talking about this shift in my practice, finding time to put all my energy into my personal work, breaking into photography communities and finding they’re not as intimidating as I thought! I think this is a good place to end this rather long and introspective blog too!

Thanks so much for reading if you got this far and stay tuned for some more regular (shorter) posts documenting the development of People Like Us. 

PEOPLE LIKE US - SHOUT FESTIVAL COMMISSION - ZINE & TALK

During the summer lockdown I received a most welcome phone call inviting me to be part of Shout Festival this year which I am very thankful for. The plan was to create a zine which would be available at all the venues during the festival, however due to further restrictions the whole festival went online and called itself Shout: At Home and alongside the physical zine we made a digital sample version of it viewable here.

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The project first came about from conversations with my friend Leo back in 2017 when they were playing with a new name and beginning their transition process – I’d worked with them on their show Bullish about trans-masc joy and peace, which sparked my interest and I was learning… so I spoke to other pals in the community and discovered a desire to talk about this stuff and make work and most importantly that I was trusted with this project.

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I was also starting to really SEE other people who I knew from the community properly as they started to come out as gender non-conforming or trans and were literally bouncing about!

The zine contains texts and quotes from all 12 participants featured in this series adding further depth and complexity to the images, ensuring their voices are heard - the whole process is co-operative.

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As well as making the zine I was invited to do a talk hosted by Meg Lightheart as part of the Trans Social event which was an absolute honour. I invited participants Sabah Choudrey and Lucy Hutson to join me - it’s essential that participants speak for themselves and that the whole process is collaborative. It was also wonderful to see other people from the project on the zoom and joining in with the chat!

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Lucy ended up feeling very emotional on the day and was unable to speak due to overwhelming feelings re speaking publicly about their gender identity of which their issues have come to the forefront since becoming pregnant - their quote pictured here explains how they have been feeling - I think it’s important to acknowledge this and the hard stuff along with the celebratory and Lucy agreed to us sharing how they were feeling.

Before talking about the project, I gave a quick overview of my practice to put the project into context as many of the people involved appear in my archives and I’ve been working with some of them for years. I also wanted to acknowledge key artists who actually SAW me as an artist and my potential in the early days such as David Hoyle and Scottee.

Next are some highlights from the talk which I would like to share and archive.

Lucy has always insisted on keeping their wispy chin hairs which adds to their gender ambiguity.

Lucy has always insisted on keeping their wispy chin hairs which adds to their gender ambiguity.

Tink Flaherty, a pal and fellow non-binary parent stepped in for Lucy and read some extracts from their piece ‘How it is to be non-binary and pregnant’ which they recently published with Freedom News.

“It hadn’t fully occurred to me whilst I was trying to get pregnant how much I would miss my passing privileges. I am so lucky that I have a friend who can cut hair because I don’t want to go to the barbers now I’m showing.

I’m pretty sure my barbers aren’t that bothered by the gender of a person who wants a standard clipper cut.

That’s not my worry exactly.

What the barbers is to me is a place where I am accepted as male, we don’t talk much in there and I don’t tell anyone my name is Lucy. I don’t say anything that alludes to me not being a man and I wear a binder. I watch the men get wet shaves, and I revel in being accepted into a masculine environment.

Of course trans men can get pregnant, but that’s not a conversation I want to have in the barber shop. I just want a place I can go where I can indulge my masculinity, fit in and not rock the boat just for a short while every few weeks.

I don’t know exactly what the men in the barbers think of me. I don’t know if they assume I was assigned male at birth, but I know I get treated like a man when I’m there.

I sometimes wonder if my insistence on keeping my wispy chin hairs makes people think I’ve just started taking testosterone, but then I don’t know how much the bloke cutting my hair knows about hormone replacement therapy anyway.”

Sabah is a proud trans youth worker, psychotherapist in training, a writer, a public speaker and a cat person. They are also “South Asian, trans masculine and covered in hair”.

Sabah is a proud trans youth worker, psychotherapist in training, a writer, a public speaker and a cat person. They are also “South Asian, trans masculine and covered in hair”.

Sabah shared some insight into their relationship with their body hair. They spoke about how when they were younger - socialised as a girl - that being a South Asian hairy brown girl was not someone they wanted to be and there was a lot of shame around their hair.

One of their huge hesitations around taking testosterone was becoming so hairy, a friend even remarked “he’s going to be so hairy!” A few years on and still a big journey, it’s been hard to unlearn things like hair removal which they have lots of experience with - “…it’s awkward to suddenly just let it grow and embrace it”.

“Grooming becomes less about gender and more about myself and grooming – it’s not self indulgence it’s really personal and unique – my body hair doesn’t have to be gendered it can just be this routine, this ritual and this process and it’s actually quite enjoyable. How I feel about my body hair on my skin and how it looks is something else but taking care of it is kind of ok and being able to share this with Holly, and others and mostly even with myself has actually been pretty awesome!”

As well as talking about some of the themes we have covered such as the body and binding (see previous blogs for more on that), I also shared some new location portraits we’ve shot recently - revisiting current participants and introducing new ones. Sabah later spoke about it meaning a lot that I’ve come back and want to do more, the longevity of the project, working with them over time capturing both a relationship and their fluidity means they’re not stuck in this one box either.

Of course things do keep changing such as with Lucy’s pregnancy - they always spoke about having a strong desire to have a child - represented by the glitter ball once upon a time and now it’s real!

More from Lucy’s article - read by Tink:

“After the long process of trying to get pregnant had finally paid off, I had an overwhelming feeling of it all being very real. Lots of questions about the sort of parent I will be and how I would cope with different situations flowed through my mind and things I had previously been able to consider calmly rattled through my brain at a hurtling speed.

I started worrying about having to choose clothes for a little girl. It crossed my mind that I would get to watch Marvel films with them if they were a boy.

This didn’t reflect the way I think about gender generally. So when this short phase passed, and I started to enjoy imagining welcoming a baby into the world that could grow into any kind of human, I didn’t want to do anything to bring back those thoughts. At that point, I made a firm decision not to be told a sex for the baby at my five-month scan.

I think the reason I momentarily got caught up with the importance of the baby’s gender is because it’s so important to the prevailing status quo.

The disparity between people’s preoccupation and my indifference to the perceived sex of the unborn child is making me feel very different from the mainly cis gender world I inhabit.

I suppose I have always known that people like to know a sex of the foetuses. I think what I’m coming to realise is how little I want to know.

Its making me mull over the effect that being assigned female at birth has had on my life… “

Read the full piece here.

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Here are some exerts from chatting with Sabah during the talk - besides feeling held and supported by Sabah throughout the event, they said so many affirming things that I’d not heard before so I feel a great need to archive some of what they said here. I didn’t know Sabah before the project which is rare for me as I usually work with friends or get to know people I’m interested in before shooting but as the project grows I am finding new ways to work and learning that I can still find intimacy and make connections with people I’m meeting through the project.

“Why the hell did I decide to do this project is what I’m asking myself tonight”. Sabah Choudrey

“I’m quite wary of working with people outside of my community - I was like who is this person, what do they want. what’s their angle, where are they coming from? We get fetishised - we get sensationalized – I needed to make sure it was more than that but after doing my research and knowing she’d worked with Travis Alabanza and Krishna Istha for example I decided I’d give Holly a shot!”

“Seeing the photos so far – especially Krishna’s glitter picture – seeing that photo – a brown masculine hairy body with scars and it looked beautiful and I was like I wanna look like that and I’m not usually a topless person but this made me feel like I want to do that and I can do that  - that’s the way I want my body to be seen topless and it goes to show how much representation matters and that yay I could feel pretty.”

“This project wasn’t really about being trans – we must have talked about gender at some point but it didn’t feel like we were – none of the usual – tell me about your experience coming out etc and that was great because I’m tired of that and have talked about it for too long.”

“It was good to be in a place where I could just camp the F up and focus on my appearance and my aesthetic and just feel celebrated actually and be in that moment and especially from someone who is outside my communities – I feel like it was genuine interest – you were so affirming and complementing me during shoot and it was just so nice – so this is dope! I really enjoyed it!”

“I don’t think we as trans people particularly trans people of colour get spaces where we can just look good and it doesn’t have to go deeper than that. I’m happy if people just want to look at these photos and not read the captions because if you’re just looking at me that’s enough because we don’t get to see beautiful bodies like this and celebrated in this way and that’s where that Gender Euphoria comes in for me – its not talking about gender at all - its feeling happy and feeling good.”

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This was a truly celebratory and enjoyable event.

Buy the zine here!

'An Uncomfortable relationship with Masculinity' - Virtual Exhibition 08/04/2020

So due to the Covid 19 pandemic, instead of being together and making new work at the Barbican within their Masculinities exhibition as part of Scottee and Friends event ‘An Uncomfortable Relationship with Masculinity’, we presented previously unseen work from our project ‘People Like Us’ on social media like a virtual exhibition and were overwhelmed by the comments and support we received.

It was such a lovely interaction during this time of isolation with some beautiful thoughtful text and comments.